


The What if

by jameee25



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brother Feels, M/M, Post-Episode: s05e13, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 12:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6153718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jameee25/pseuds/jameee25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wrote this years ago, and I find it still relevant.<br/>This is what happens after Sam and Dean meey young!Mary and young!John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The What if

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetad, all mistakes are mine.
> 
> I live off comments and kodus.
> 
> Enjoy!

Sam keeps his mouth shut all the way back to the motel. Dean gets that, he really does, and he is the last person to ever initiate a heart-to-heart bullshit talk. But this time he feels like he has to. 

Sitting beside them in the living room, taking a ride with them in the car, imagining for a moment that they are a real family and knowing that there is no chance it will ever happen- it broke him too. And the look on Sammy's face when he first saw her…Dean felt like someone ripped his heart from his chest and stomped on it. Hard.

"Hey," he says, and sits down on the bed, resting one hand on his brother's shoulder. "Sammy--,"  
"Don’t, Dean. Don't even go there." Sam stares at the stained carpet; exactly at the same position he was ten minutes ago.

"I'm getting a beer. Want one?" Dean says the first thing that comes to his mind, anything to break this uncomfortable, burdening, silence. He gets up and walks towards the refrigerator, not waiting for an answer as he pulls out two beers and hands it one to Sam. Sam uncaps it without saying a word.

It feels like hours to Dean, but after five minutes Sam finally opens his mouth. He sighs, still not looking at Dean, and says "You know what's the worst part? She just sat there, and she's...Goddammit Dean, she was so beautiful. And I kept thinking about her eyes, and how much they are like yours and I…Dean, I couldn't not look. And I keep thinking, if only she knew…"  
"Knew what Sam?" Dean knows the answer to that question. And the last thing he wants is to hear it from Sam. But he has to.  
Sam looks up at him.  
"You think that if she…If she was still here, and Dad, and all of this, thing, do you think that if we had a normal life we would still…" and Sam does not need to finish this sentence for Dean to know what he is talking about.

And he wants to say that no, they weren't. He wants to say that what they do with each other, what they are to each other, is a result of their fucked up lives, of their Drill Sergeant Dad and his suicide missions, of having zero female influence growing up.

But he doesn't say it. Because he knows that what he has with his brother, what He and Sam are, has nothing to do with any demon, or a mother, or a girlfriend burning on the ceiling. He feels like a complete pussy for even thinking that, but he knows that Sam and him…It's like their whole life, all of the madness and evil sonsofbitches and hunts and the 'You're all I've got' thing they have going on are just the decoration, it's the set on which they're playing their perverted love story, only circumstances to help justify what they have. What was bound to happen between them anyway, ghost hunters or not. 

Because it's him and Sam. So simple yet so complicated. Or something.

And the thing that really kills him is that he wouldn't want it any other way.

He is looking at his brother, and knows he understands.

"Come here," says Sam, his gigantic arms wrapping around him, hard.

Dean closes his eyes, fingers drawn by some invisible force to tangle in his brother's long, soft hair.

Neither of them says a word. They don't need to.


End file.
